Destiny Christanna Mae Powell

The following area is full of quotes, song lyrics, poetry and other
things that have reminded me of my little Destiny over the past
almost 9 years since her loss.There is also info and guidelines
on what grieving parents feel like following a loss and what you
can do to help a friend or family memeber who has suffered a

If you are reading my memorial page and you also know
this great pain, then know you have my full sympathy and I hope
something you read here brings a catharsis for you.

Christmas 2009 Poem for Destiny

The lights are twinkling on the trees
I wish your eyes were twinkling in front of me
Your sister and I made cookies for family
I wish your small hands had been holding some of the cookie cutters
Everywhere I go I see small overly excited children
and I wish just once I could see your sweet excited face at Christmas
Family Christmas movies are all over the television
and all I can think of is that one of my precious brood is missing
from my family
The only thing that gives me pleasure is knowing that you are celebrating Christ’s birthday with Him firsthand
While we reminisce about Mary holding her sweet baby boy
He holds our precious baby girl in His hands

I miss you sweetheart
Merry Christmas Destiny

Christmas 2009



EVENING FALLS lyrics by Enya

When the evening falls
And the daylight is fading,
From within me calls
Could it be I am sleeping?
For a moment I stray,
Then it holds me completely
Close to home – I cannot say
Close to home feeling so far away

As I walk the room there before me a shadow
From another world, where no other can follow
Carry me to my own, to where I can cross over
Close to home – I cannot say
Close to home feeling so far away

Forever searching; never right,
I am lost in oceans of night.

Forever hoping I can find memories
Those memories I left behind

Even though I leave will I go on believing
That this time is real – am I lost in this feeling?
Like a child passing through,
Never knowing the reason
I am home – I know the way
I am home – feeling oh, so far away


ONCE YOU HAD GOLD lyrics by Enya

Once you had gold,
Once you had silver,
Then came the rains
Out of the blue.
Ever and always.
Always and ever.
Time gave both darkness and
dreams to you.

Now you can see
Spring becomes autumn,
Leaves become gold
Falling from view.
Ever and always.
Always and ever.
No-one can promise a dream come true,
Time gave both darkness and
dreams to you.

What is the dark;
Shadows around you,
Why not take heart
In the new day?
Ever and always.
Always and ever.
No-one can promise a dream for you,
Time gave both darkness and
dreams to you.


ON YOUR SHORE lyrics by Enya

Strange how my heart beats
To find myself upon your shore.
Strange how I still feel
My loss of comfort gone before.

Cool waves wash over
And drift away with dreams of youth
So time is stolen
I cannot hold you long enough.

And so this is where I should be now
Days and nights falling by
Days and nights falling by me.
I know of a dream I should be holding
Days and nights falling by
Days and nights falling by me.

Soft blue horizons
Reach far into my childhood days
As you are rising
To bring me my forgotten ways.

Strange how I falter
To find I’m standing in deep water
Strange how my heart beats
To find I’m standing on your shore.


Song Of The Sandman (Lullaby) lyrics by Enya

Can you hear in the night’s deep song
all the shadows say
telling you when you’re asleep
tears will fade away?

Dream of the morning’s golden light
when you and I will leave the night

And when the moon is high and bright
stars will shine on you

Dream of morning’s golden light
when you and I will leave the night

Make a wish and when you close your eyes
I will come to you

Dream of morning’s golden light
when you and I will leave the night

Make a wish and when you close your eyes
I will come to you.


Held by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.


Happy birthday Destiny!!!!!!! We love you so much!!!!!! 03-24

Birthdays do not end with death,
But last as long as love,
A maelstrom of memories
That grace and honor move.

And so we celebrate your day
By visiting your grave,
A place that you have left long since,
But is all that we have.

Dear spirit, come and join us here,
Your loved ones by your stone!
Come sweep across the barrier
To claim us as your own!

Happy birthday, dearest one!
Oh happy, happy day!
Not even the most bitter night
Can take this joy away!


Now after the death of Moses the servant of the Lord it came
to pass, that the Lord spake unto Joshua the sun of Nun,
Moses’ minister, saying, Moses my servant is dead; now
therefore arise, go over to this Jordan, thou, and all this people
Joshua 1:1-2

Sorrow came to you yesterday, and emptied your home. Your
first impulse is to give up and sit down in despair amid the
wrecks of your hopes. But you dare not do it. You are in the
line of battle and the crisis is at hand…

Weeping inconsolably beside a grave can never give back
love’s banished treasure, nor can any blessing come out of
such sadness. Yet there is a humanizing and fertilizing
influence in sorrow which has been rightly accepted and
cheerfully borne. Indeed, they are poor who have never
suffered and have none of sorrow’s marks upon them. The joy
set before us should shine upon our grief as the sun shines
through the clouds, glorifying them. God has ordered, that in
pressing on in duty we shall find the truest, richest comfort for
ourselves. Sitting down to brood over our sorrows, the
darkness deepens about us and creeps into our heart, and our
strength changes to weakness. But, if we turn away from
gloom, and take up the tasks and duties to which God calls us,
the light will come again, and we shall grow stronger.
J.R. Miller


Fallen Embers Lyrics -Enya

Once, as my heart remembers,
all the stars were fallen embers.
Once, when night seemed forever
I was with you.
Once, in the care of morning
in the air was all belonging.
Once, when that day was dawning.
I was with you.

How far we are from morning.
how far we are
and the stars shining through the darkness,
falling in the air.

Once, as the night was leaving
into us our dreams were weaving.
Once, all dreams were worth keeping.
I was with you.

Once, when our hearts were singing,
I was with you.


Homesick Lyrics
by Mercy Me

You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don’t understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I’m still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow

I’ve never been more homesick than now.


~Dante Gabriel Rossetti~


Love is like a good book: You turn the page to go on and wish
it would never end.
(from WICKED FOREST by V.C. Andrews)


A Quilt Story

Once upon a time there was a family with seven daughters. All
were charming and fair and very close to their family,
especially their Grandmother. She was a wise, delightful
woman who had taken the time to be with each grand
daughter and loved each one immensely.

When the eldest daughter turned twenty, the Grandmother
showed up early in the day to greet her with a beautiful
package–a large box covered in white shiny paper and a
sparkling gold bow. The Granddaughter ripped open the
package hastily and uncovered a priceless treasure.
Underneath the tissue was a linen quilt hand-stitched with
homemade lace, appliqué, and with her name embroidered in
silk. All of the daughters were amazed and the birthday girl
cried as she hugged her Grandmother who had put so much
time and love into this masterpiece.

As the years passed, each girl received a quilt on her 20th
birthday. Most of the granddaughters cherished the gift but
several took it for granted and neglected to care for it as they
should. But the next to the youngest daughter, who had quite
a special relationship with her grandmother, longed for the
day she turned twenty. She had spent hours dreaming of her
quilt and sharing her plans with her grandmother. She planned
to save her gift for her wedding day and then to use it on her
first bed. Later she would pass it on to her children and they
would pass it on to the next generation.

Finally the big day arrived, her 20th birthday. Sure enough the
doorbell rang and in walked her beloved grandparent. But
instead of a big beautiful box, she had something unexpected
in her arms- two long wooden beams and a stack of material.
With a warm hug, she whispered to the child, “I have
something extra special for you!” The granddaughter felt her
face flush and her heart sink – where was her quilt? The
Grandmother explained, “I want to teach you so many things,
not just about quilting but I want this time together to share
with you the wisdom of my years. Let’s work on this together.”
The young girl feigned appreciation, took the gift, and quickly
went to her room where she sobbed uncontrollably. She was
so angry and disappointed. She threw the quilt frame and
scraps into the corner, covered them with an old blanket and
vowed that she would never accept this.

There were so many questions running through her mind. Why
did her grandmother pick on her? She hadn’t made the others
work for their quilt. Did she really consider this a gift? And the
other sisters- ugh. It seemed they would all feel sorry for her
now. Why? Why? Why? When she was the one who had taken
care of her grandmother last spring? Why, when one of her
sisters had even lost her gift at college last year? Worse yet, as
the days wore on, no one seemed to understand and she
avoided it all – the items under the blanket in the corner and
her grandmother, who visited often asking her when they
could get started…

There is no ending – yet. It is up to you. The moral of the story
is that many women receive the beautiful gift of a child and
take it for granted or even abuse it. When we conceive it is
natural to expect what everyone else receives, a healthy child.
But for whatever reason we were chosen. You were chosen to
be the mother of your child. God is offering you not only the
gift of a child but also a time of intimate training, guided by
His loving hand. He wants you to sit down with Him and the
scraps and He’ll show you how to piece them together.

Copyright © 1999 by Teale Fackler and Gwen Kik


Such Beautiful Roses

Fine roses come from the thorns in life-
The trials, heartaches and pain,
As God develops a beauty within us,
Working all for our spiritual gain.
Oh, how we desire that the prickly thorns
Be removed out of our life,
But we’d desire it less if we knew God’s best
Comes from that trouble and strife.
Paul prayed his thorn would be removed-
Three times he sought God’s hand;
His plea was denied and Paul relied
On the Master’s perfect plan.
Oh, how we bargain and beg the Father
To remove our painful thorn,
But we’d desire it less if we knew God’s best
And could see the roses form.
As He molds and develops us in His Kingdom,
Such talents and gifts He adorns;
Yet, never has there been a beautiful rosebush
Without the piercing thorns;
Those stakes in our heart we feel unbearable,
And everything in us opposes,
Are the very tools our designer uses…
To develop Such Beautiful Roses.

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not
to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Poem by Copyright © 2001, Connie C. Bratcher
Used with permission of the author

To see more of her inspirational poetry go to


It was such a lovely day, the sun was shining bright.
The gentle winds were blowin’ my way.
Not a storm cloud was in sight,
but then suddenly without warning a storm surrounds my life
But even in the storm, I could feel a calm and here’s the
reason why…

I know the peacespeaker, I know him by name
I know the peacespeaker, he controls the wind and rain
when he says “Peace be still” they have to obey.
I know the peacespeaker, yes I know him by name

There’s never been another man, with the power of this friend
by simply saying “Peace be still”
He can calm the strongest wind,and that’s why I never worry
when the storms come my way
I know that he is near to drive away my fear,
And I can smile and say…

I know the peacespeaker, I know him by name
I know the peacespeaker, he controls the wind and rain
when he says “Peace be still” they have to obey.
I know the peacespeaker, yes I know him by name

Peace, Peace wonderful peace
coming down from the Father above

When he says “Peace be still” they have to obey
I’m glad I know the Peace Speaker, Yes I know him by name.


Don’t ask us if we are over it yet. We’ll never be over it.
A part of us died with our child.

Don’t tell us she is in a better place.
She is not here with us where she belongs.

Don’t say at least she is not suffering.
We haven’t come to terms with why she suffered at all.

Don’t tell us at least we have other children.
Which of your children would you have sacrificed?

Don’t ask us if we feel better.
Bereavement isn’t a condition that clears up.

Don’t tell us God never gives us more than we can bear.
Right now we don’t feel we can handle anything else.

Don’t avoid us. We don’t have a contagious disease, just
unbearable pain.

Don’t tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a

No other loss can compare to losing a child. It’s not the natural
order of things.

Don’t take our anger personally.
We don’t know who we are angry at or why and lash out at
those closest to us.

Don’t whisper behind us when we enter a room.
We are in pain, but not deaf.

Don’t stop calling us after the initial loss.
Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are
thinking of us.

Don’t be offended when we don’t return calls right away.
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than

Don’t tell us to get on with our lives.
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame.
Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar.

Do say you are sorry. We’re sorry, too, and you saying
that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of
tired cliches you don’t really mean anyway. Just say you’re

Do put your arms around us and hold us.
We need your strength to get us through each day.

Do say you remember our child.
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.

Do let us talk about our child.
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.

Do mention our child’s name. It will not make us sad or hurt
our feelings.

Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process.
Cry with us if you want to.

Do remember us on special dates.
Our child’s birth date and death date and holidays are
a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.

Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our
We do.

Do show our family that you care.
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.

~ Original version was written by Mary Cleckley, Atlanta, GA ~
Revised to fit our situation


this poem was written by me about 10 years ago


Your little body racked with fever,
your small cheeks rosy red.
Your breathing deep and even,
as you lie here on my bed.
You lie there in your Ninja Turtle undies
because the rest of you is so hot.
Oh, and puppy slipper socks
because your feet are ice cold!
How in the world did I get to be so old?
A mother of two –
how can this be?
It seems only yesterday
I could only reach a parent’s knee!
Now I lie here beside my youngest
nursing him through the flu,
my oldest is sick also
so these sickly days feel like they will never be through.
Their vomiting frightens me because it seems non-stop
and I am wondering if there could be a drop
of water left in these little bodies.
This worrying is one part of mothering to which I cannot
but when I think about it, it seems like “motherhood or bust.”
My womb feels so empty sometimes
and craves another life there.
Perhaps it is a curse of womanhood to feel so bare when a
baby is not suckling or growing inside
but this is something that I must hide,
for my husband has gotten over the “paternity” thing
and with our young sons is really starting to sing.
They are wanting to be with him more and more to do “man
stuff” and I grow jealous sometimes because I can’t get enough
(of them, I mean)
How dare they grow up and away from my mother love and
when I nurtured their little bodies in MY body for almost a
How can that bond ever be broken
when the love that I show them each day is only a token
of the feeling that swells inside and bursts my heart;
how could I live if I had to be apart?
For they have given me as much life as I have given them,
and I will never be the same forevermore
because now I will always be somebody’s MOTHER.

Written in 1994 when my two sons were sick with the flu at
ages 5 and 7.

Little did I know then that another baby would grow in my
womb and that I would forever in this life have to be apart
from her.


Mother’s Day Without You

Another Mother’s Day has rolled around and I still feel the
celebrating Mother’s Day without you is just filled with too
much pain.

I look forwards to seeing the cards that your daddy and
brothers have made or bought,
but a card from you is missing and is what is being sought.

I know you are looking down upon me and telling everyone
there I am your mother;
I know you are telling everyone, “She’s the one who gave me
life and I want no other.”

But, oh to have you here with me on Mother’s Day twirling in
your dress and fidgeting during church,
you can’t imagine little Destiny how much mommy misses you
girl, but it’s oh so much.

A poem for Destiny by mommy as Mother’s Day approaches
Written on May 3rd, 2004


Tonight is a sleepless night,
like many nights I would have spent with her.
I wipe the tears from my eyes,
just as I would have wiped hers.
Her eyes would have been blue.
Deep beautiful blue eyes.
Eyes that held my heart.
I hug myself tight, trying to somehow ease the emptiness.
I wish it was her little body I was holding instead.
She would have been warm.
Warm and pink and beautiful.
I pull back my hair
And can’t help but think what it would be like to do that to
Her hair would have been soft I know
and she would have pigtails that curled on the ends.
Pigtails with pink barrettes.
I look down at my hands.
Hands that would have held her hands.
I watch her father sleep..
I think about her and him
She would have been Daddy’s little girl.
I look at the dark starry sky.
I think about heaven.
I think about God.
God holds the world together.
Yes, I’m sure He’s holding my little girl.
I close my eyes.
I dream.

Poem by Carrie Morley Eastman in memory of Noelle Eva


Treasures Kept

The other treasure that she kept,
Was someplace special when she slept.

In the rocker lost in thought,
Sat the woman overwrought,
Looking out at winter’s night,
No moon, no stars, no God in sight.

Darkness beyond the panes foretold,
The pain her heart could barely hold,
A soul so empty, an abyss of black,
She just wanted her baby back.

Snatched from life, her child of two,
The only joy this woman knew,
A bundle of energy in pretty dresses
With chubby cheeks and golden tresses,
Who squealed with delight at simple things,
A bird, a dandelion, and butterfly wings.

Memories much too hard to bear,
Sat the woman in the rocking chair,
Eyes turned downward as she wept,
Eyes that beheld the treasure kept,

Her baby’s blanket — soft, threadbare,
The scent of her babe’s life still there.
“Why did you take her?” she asked the night,
“What makes you think you had the right?”

And of course no answer came,
There was no God to call her name.
No God to save this poor lost soul,
No God to fill that painful hole,
No God to take her daughter home,
In the cold, cold ground, lay her babe alone.

Eyes that swelled from many a tear,
Begged her to doze, but she wouldn’t dare,
For if a night was ever spent,
Without that special place she went,
She’d lose the other treasure she kept,
That someplace special when she slept.

Where she went she could not recall,
The dream eluded her, details all,
Only fragments of that place would come,
Like an elusive word upon one’s tongue.

But the dream stayed with her as she woke,
Bathed her in a comforting cloak,
Peered through her thoughts throughout the day,
Pushing, pushing that darkness at bay.

Where was that place? She wanted to know,
Had she been there long ago?
Or was it a place just in her mind?
Or a place she had yet to find?

And as these questions filled her head,
The woman refused to go abed,
For if that treasure wasn’t hers that night,
She’d have no reason to live, to fight.

She brought the cloth up to her nose,
Her baby’s effervescence rose,
Pain stabbed her heart a newfound hole,
And the woman cried out with all her soul:

“Help me Lord, Oh help me please!”
As she slipped down to her knees,
“Help me Lord to understand,
What it is that you have planned!”

And from her knees the woman sank,
Upon the floor of hardwood plank,
The blanket clutched close to her heart,
The treasure with which she refused to part.

The sobs subsided with wracking breaths,
Erupting from her inner depths,
Then unwittingly she fell asleep,
And went to that place that was hers to keep…

She found herself upon a hill,
A cloudless day, the air so still,
The scent of flowers, softly sweet,
And green, green grass around her feet.

Around her feet?

No, for miles around,
Beautiful hills and valleys she found,
And as her eyes took all their fill,
A lamb hopped over the grassy hill.

Chasing a bird, the lamb so young,
Circled and danced and ran and sprung,
Then stood still as its eyes came to rest,
On the woman and cloth held to her chest.

It stared at her with eyes so blue,
The same eyes as her child of two,
Then bounding past the woman, it ran,
Into the arms of a shepherd man.

The woman turned to see this man,
To whom the baby lamb had ran,
With breathless gasps she cried a plea,
“Oh,my Lord, have mercy on me!”

“Oh yes my child, my lamb so dear,
My mercy is great, that’s why you’re here,
And this baby lamb I hold, you see,
Is the babe you lost, but she’s with me.

Do not lose heart, don’t turn from Me,
Release your anger and you’ll be free,
For when you speak to Me with love,
Your words will reach your babe above.

So pray without ceasing, I tell you now,
Speak with your soul, you now know how,
Until that day when you come home,
Your baby will never be alone.”

“Oh yes, my Lord,” her voice so meek,
As the Shepherd touched her cheek,
And wiped away her one last tear,
Such love her soul could hardly bear.

And as the Shepherd turned to go,
The lamb lunged at her and deftly stole,
The other treasure that she kept,
The baby blanket in which she’d wept.

Then, off it ran in leaps and springs,
And faithfully followed it’s newfound King,
But as it reached the crest of the hill,
The lamb abruptly stopped, stood still.

Turning its head with the blanket it took,
Gazing at her with a gentle look,
For one short moment, mother and child,
Shared a farewell, silent and mild. . .

.. . . There the dream faded as the woman arose,
Up from the floor where she took her repose,
And looking about and all around,
The treasure she kept could not be found.

Then came from her heart, a glorious song,
For the baby blanket now was gone!
The two great treasures she once had kept,
One physical, the other when she slept,
Were now in Heaven where they belonged,
With the Shepherd for Whom she now longed.



Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt and Beth Redman


Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I’m found in the
desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back
to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining
down on me
When the world’s “all as it should be”
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name on the road marked
with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name


I entreat you, give no place to despondency. This is a
dangerous temptation–a refined, not a gross temptation of
the adversary. Melancholy contracts and withers the heart, and
renders it unfit to receive the impressions of grace. It
magnifies and gives a false coloring to objects, and thus
renders your burdens too heavy to bear. God’s designs
regarding you, and His methods of bringing about these
designs, are infinitely wise. –Madame Guyon


The strength of the vessel can be demonstrated only by the
hurricane, and the power of the Gospel can be fully shown only
when the Christian is subjected to some fiery trial. If God
would make manifest the fact that “He giveth songs in the
night,” He must first make it night. –William Taylor


To trust in spite of the look of being forsaken; to keep crying
out into the vast, whence comes no returning voice, and where
seems no hearing; to see the machinery of the world
pauselessly grinding on as if self-moved, caring for no life,
nor shifting a hair-breadth for all entreaty, and yet believe that
God is awake and utterly loving; to desire nothing but what
comes meant for us from His hand; to wait patiently, ready to
die of hunger, fearing only lest faith should fail–such is the
victory that overcometh the world, such is faith indeed.
by George MacDonald


Nearly all God’s jewels are crystallized tears.


The sweetest things in this world today have come to us
through tears and pain.
by J.R. Miller


Fear not, Christian; Jesus is with thee. In all thy fiery trials, His
presence is both thy comfort and safety. He will never leave
one whom He has chosen for His own. “Fear not, for I am with
thee,” is His sure word of promise to His chosen ones in “the
furnace of affliction.”
by C.H. Spurgeon


The burden of suffering seems a tombstone hung about our
necks, while in reality it is only the weight which is necessary
to keep down the diver while he is hunting for pearls.
by Richter


In a few short days, it will have been three years since your
sweet body and spirit graced us with your presence for a few
minutes here on earth in the eternity of time. Others tell me I
shouldn’t even remember what it felt like to hold your little
body. But how can I forget? You were flesh of my flesh, blood
of my blood! You grew under my heart and in my heart and
though you are no longer with me physically, my heart just
keeps you close. I snuggle you inside because I can’t snuggle
you outside. I know that no one will remember this year.
Everyone is concentrating on getting ready for your Uncle
Randy’s wedding on the anniversary of the day we buried you
in that cold, hard ground. If I didn’t believe that you live on, I
would have gone stark, raving mad at the sight of that hole on
that day as your little white casket set beside it. I know that
you are healthy and happy and that is the only thing that has
kept my mind sane over these last several years. I don’t know
what I expect of others. I just want someone to acknowledge
that you were REAL and that I didn’t just imagine those hours
in the hospital and at the funeral home and cemetery. It would
feel so good to get a card from someone this week
acknowledging your birthday. Or for someone to send flowers
or a small memorial gift. My heart is out on my sleeve again
and tears seem to be flowing unbidden down my cheeks. Can’t
anyone see how raw this wound is?- it is open again for the
whole world to see. It is a bright, sunny March day today and I
plan on visiting your grave today to plant a few pretty tulips
that I bought growing in containers a few days ago. I know the
flowers you are seeing must be so much prettier than anything
we have here, but I will feel better seeing those tulips in front
of your marker. I must end this letter for now, my little
sweetie, but don’t you forget that mommy loves you and will
never, ever forget. You will be my daughter forever and a day. I
love you so much it hurts, honey!
Love, mommy


Psalms 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my
mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvellous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden
from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the
lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance,
being yet unformed.
And in your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them. (NKJV)


The Things We Will Miss

There will be no chubby hands holding rattles,
No playing “piggie went to market” with your tiny toes.
My angel girl, how I will live without you my whole life
God only knows.
There will be no frilly dresses, tights, and patent leather shoes,
No hairbows, ribbons, or barrettes,
Your death has changed the rules.
I won’t need to make trips down the toy aisles each time I go
For stuffed animals and doll babies and Barbies,
As I had been hoping.
There will be no visits to Sunday School; no lessons about
instead He will hug and hold you and will tell you about us
with a sweet caress.
I won’t be hearing those sweet little girl giggles,
As you have slumber parties and birthday parties with your
Instead, I take fresh flowers to your grave often
And sometimes it feels like this life will never end.
There won’t be prom dresses bought or makeup lessons
I won’t be among the proud parents clapping in 2019 on
graduation night.
There won’t be a wedding or reception your dad and I must
pay for,
Nor will we ever help you carry a newborn through your own
front door.
Nothing is left now but the memories of life in my womb and
tiny kicks and flutters.
And a huge hole in the heart that you once grew under.
Written by mommy for Destiny July 22, 2003
© Copyright 2003 by Sandra Powell


Riddle of destiny, who can show
What thy short visit meant, or know
What thy errand here below?

From “On An Infant Dying As Soon As Born”
by Charles Lamb



Designed and created by the Living God,
Everything we could want in a daughter and sister.
Soul and spirit embodied in human flesh for only
a short while,
Tiny, perfect creation of a Loving God.
In a flash, your destiny was fulfilled.
Now days seem endless as we grow closer to
joining you,
Young and carefree for eternity in the kingdom of
God you shall be.
Written by mommy for Destiny on her first heaven’s birthday
March 24, 2002
© Copyright 2002 by Sandra Powell


The following was written for us by a lovely lady at our church.
She said the Holy Spirit gave her the words on the day of our
daughter’s funeral.

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

I know you longed to hold me, to hug me, and to kiss me:
But I just want you to know that Jesus is holding me now.

I know you longed to sing to me and to teach me to love the
But I want you to know that Jesus is my teacher now.
He dances with me and plays with me.
He loves me and He holds me.

Mommy and Daddy, I love you so very much and look forward
seeing you and all of my family when you get to heaven. I want
to play with my brothers and hug each one of you.

Don’t cry for me because it is so wonderful up here.
This is a beautiful place and there are beautiful colors of
praise and song flowing through the air at all times.
There is music ringing through the fiber and the walls
The angels’ voices are tinkling timbrels of such beauty and
love for Jesus and for me.

I love you Mommy and Daddy.


Destiny Christanna Mae Powell


Scriptures I have found to be comforting:

II Corinthians 1:3,4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in
all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who
are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves
are comforted by God. (NKJV)

Lamentations 3:32,33
Though He causes grief, Yet will he show compassion
According to the multitude of His mercies. For He does not
afflict willingly, Nor grieve the children of men. (NKJV)

James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and
comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no
variation or shadow of turning. (NKJV)

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the
womb is a reward. (NKJV)

Matthew 6:19,20,21
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth
and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal: but lay
up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor
rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For
where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown

John 14:18
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

John 16:22
And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again,
and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from

Revelations 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there
shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither
shall there be any more pain: for the former things have
passed away.

Phillipians 1:3
I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.


Beautiful Place
Ginger Millermon

In memory of her beautiful niece, Abigail

Jesus called you home
He wanted you there
Though it was hard to let go
We said goodbye with a prayer
Your stay here was short
But God’s time is always right
You are in His care
Never out of His sight
Though we long for you here
This side of the stars
We know with God you’re at home now
And happier by far

In Jesus’ loving arms
He’s holding you near
In a place of no pain and no tears
With angels singing
Praise to the King
And with a smile on your face
You hold tight to Jesus’
Tender hand
In your new heavenly place
Such a beautiful place
Such a beautiful place
Beautiful place

What a home you have
In heaven so bright
Where there’s no need for the sun
The Lamb of God is the light
There’s a sea of glass in the city of gold
With a river of life and beauty untold
And though we miss you here
Our little one
We know we’ll see you again
In the light of God’s Son.


The morning glory blooms but for an hour , and yet it differs
not at heart
From the giant pine that lives for a thousand years.”
~Teitoku Matsunaga~


Precious In God’s Eyes

The lily only lasts a day
but God creates it anyway.
All that work to make a flower
then it’s gone, it had it’s hour.
Even though your baby died,
she is still precious in God’s eyes.
Your child came and made her mark
she changed your life and touched your heart.
Upon her death, to heaven she soared,
Here for a moment, now with the Lord.
Written by Gail Fasolo


My Little Rosebud

The world may never notice if a rosebud doesn’t bloom, or
even pause to wonder if the petals fall too soon. But every life
that ever forms, or ever comes to be, touches the world in
some small way for all eternity. The little one we long for was
swiftly here and gone. But the love that was then planted is a
light that still shines on. And though our arms are empty, our
hearts know what to do. Every beating of our hearts say I love
Author unknown


If Roses Grow In Heaven

If roses grow in heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
place them in my daughter’s arms
and tell her they’re from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.
Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there’s an ache within my heart
that will never go away.
Author unkown


It is said that love is like a rose
that grows so sweet, so pure within the heart.
But love is also like a thorn
that savagely tears my heart apart.

Happy time once spent with you gave joy
and brought the rose in me to bloom.
But then the years apart bore pain—
like thorns, my memory they pierced too soon.

Why then does love, first known,
within itself such tears and sorrow conceal?
Perhaps because for every rose, the thorns increase
the deeper splendor the lovely scent reveals.

By Michael Phillips from The Secret of the Rose part 3 Escape
To Freedom


We can complain because roses have thorns, or we can rejoice
because thorns have roses!


We Remember Her

In the rising of the sun and in its going down,
we remember her.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter
we remember her.

In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring
we remember her.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer
we remember her.

In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn
we remember her.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends
we remember her.

When we are weary and in need of strength
we remember her.

When we are lost and sick at heart
we remember her.

When we have joys we yearn to share
we remember her.

So long as we live, she too shall live,
for she is now a part of us, as
we remember her.


The Tide Recedes

The tide recedes,
But leaves behind
Bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down,
But gentle warmth
Still lingers on the land.
The music stops,
And yet it echoes on
In sweet refrains…
For every joy that passes,
Something beautiful remains.

Author Unknown


Hello, Goodbye
By: Michael W. Smith
Where’s the navigator of your destiny,
Where is the dealer of this hand.
Who can explain life and it’s brevity,
‘Cause there’s nothing here that I can understand.
You and I, have barely met,
And I just don’t want to let go of you yet.

Destiny, Hello, Goodbye,
I’ll see you on the other side.
Destiny, Sweet child of mine.
I’ll see you on the other side.

And so I hold your tiny hand in mine,
For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face.
Heaven calls for you before it calls for me,
When you get there save me a place.
A place where I can share your smile,
And I can hold you for more than just a while.

Destiny, Hello, Goodbye,
I’ll see you on the other side.
Destiny, sweet child of mine,
I’ll see you on the other side.


Sometimes love lasts a moment
Sometimes love lasts a lifetime
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime


For one so small, her loss is enormous!


Love drives on, not by choice, but by destiny!- Italian proverb


A Prayer

My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why my Lord…dare I ask why? She will not hear the whisper of
the wind or see the beauty of her family’s faces…she will not
see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why,
my Lord?

“Why, My child…do you ask why? Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind, she hears the
sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the
beauty that passes she sees everlasting Beauty…she sees My
face. She was created and lived a short time so the image of
her parents imprinted on her face may stand before Me as
their personal intercessor. She knows secrets of heaven
unknown to men on earth. She laughs with a special joy that
only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I
create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that
Kingdom that could not be filled by another. She was created
for My joy and her parent’s merits. She has never seen pain or
sin. She has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a
seed, made it grow, and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your
wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool…forgive me. I
acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank
you for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long
an Eternity.


Destiny–Lyrics by Inner Voices

I: My beautiful angel
floating on the wings of truth
You’re my destiny
Like a dream become reality
written in the stars above
shining on our lives

Chorus: Gentle winds from your heart
guiding me to heaven
like a perfect sunset melting in the sea
your sweet, cool spirit
caressing me
I thank God almighty….

II: You are my destiny
you are the love of my life
you are the air I breathe
you are the joy that makes me smile
Like a dream become reality
written in the stars above
shining on our lives


I remember her life, Lord
Happy expectations
Soft, gentle kicks
Playful leaps and somersaults
I remember her death, Lord
Her sweet nose
Her eyelids closed forever
Her darling little mouth
I remember her funeral, Lord
Desperately wanting her back
Lord, I remember the anguish of the early days without her
Sleepless nights and meaningless days
Merging with tears and more tears
Pain and yet more pain
Lord, I remember learning to live without her
Emptiness, darkness, despair
Tears on Mother’s Day
Hopeless Christmas
And terrible pain on her first Birthday
I remember her still, Lord
I realize the enormous impact that her life has had on mine
I know I am a changed person, because of her
I am now aware of the many positive things that she brought
to my life
I would give up all these things,
If only I could have her
and not have to remember her, Lord.
Poem copyrighted by Jane Warland 1996


For my dear husband and Destiny’s sweet daddy:

I see them weep
the fathers at the stones

taking off the brave armor
forced to wear in the work place

clearing away the debris
with gentle fingers

inhaling the sorrow
diminished by anguish

their hearts desiring
what they cannot have–

to walk hand in hand
with children no longer held–

to all the fathers who leave a part
of their hearts at the stones

may breezes underneath trees of time
ease their pain

as they receive healing tears
….the gift the children give.

Written by Alice J. Wisler
For David, in memory of our son Daniel
(August 25, 1992–February 2, 1997)


Don’t cry for me Daddy
I am right here
Although you can’t see me
I see your tears
I visit you often
Go to work with you each day
And when it’s time to close your eyes
On your pillow’s where I lay
I hold your hand and stroke your hair
And whisper in your ear
If you’re sad today Daddy
Remember I am here
God took me home
This we know is true
But you will always be my Daddy
Even though I’m not with you
I am Daddy’s little girl
We will never be apart
For every time you think of me
Please know I’m in your heart
I love you Daddy!
Your baby girl Destiny


Destiny, I will never forget the picture in my mind of your
daddy rocking your tiny little body in the rocking chair in my
hospital room after you passed away. Such a big strong man
holding such a tiny little bundle in his arms, his dozing eyes
dripping tears. Your daddy loves you so much and you are
daddy’s little girl.


A Mother’s Crown

Heaven lit up with His mighty presence,
As all the Angels looked down,
Today the Lord was placing the jewels,
In all the mother’s crowns.

As He held up a golden crown,
As all the mother’s looked on,
He said in His gentle voice,
“I just want to explain each stone”.

He held the first gem in His hand
But the radiance couldn’t match His own.
For He was the light of Heaven,
Reflecting off each of the stones.

“The first gem,” He said, “is an emerald,
And it’s for endurance alone,
For all the nights you waited up.
For your children to come home.

For all the nights by their bedside,
You stayed till the fever went down,
For nursing every little wound,
I add this emerald to your crown.”

“A ruby, I’ll place by the emerald,
For leading your child in the right way,
For if you hadn’t taught them about me,
They wouldn’t be here with you today.

For always being right there,
Thru all life’s important events,
I give you a sapphire stone,
For the time and love you spent.”

“For untying the strings that held them,
When they grew up and left home,
I give you this one for courage.”
Then the Lord added an amethyst stone.

“I’ll place a stone of garnet,” He said,
“For all the times you spent on your knees,
When you asked me to take care of your children,
And them for having faith in me.”

“I have a pearl for every little sacrifice,
That you made without them knowing,
For all the times you went without,
To keep them happy, healthy, and growing.”

“And last of all I have a diamond,
The greatest of all gems,
For those mother’s who lost their children,
When they came home to heaven before them.”

“This is the most precious sacrifice,
So I give the most precious stone,
For I know just how you felt,
I too lost a child of my own.”

After the Lord placed the last jewel in,
He said, “Heaven is now complete,
For every mother has her crown of jewels,
And all her children are at her feet.”

(author unknown)


A Thankful Heart

Father, I thank you Lord that you allowed me to be the mother
of this precious little girl. I thank you that of all the mothers in
the world, you chose my womb to be a nest for her little
growing body. I thank you for each special memory of her even
though they are bittersweet. I thank you for each little flutter
and kick I felt and each somersault she performed inside my
body. I am the only one who harbors these memories and so
Lord I thank you for them. I thank you Lord that you chose me
to nurture her as she grew. I thank you that we got to hold her
and kiss her and tell her that we loved her. I miss her so much
Lord. She has left a huge void in her parent’s and brother’s
lives. Although I want so badly to be with her here, I thank you
Lord that I will be reunited with her one day. Lord, help me to
have a thankful heart. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. (Prayer by
mommy written on November 20th, 2003)


~Before I was a Mom~

Before I was a Mom
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom,
I slept as late as I wanted
and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom,
I cleaned house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on
pooped on
spit on
chewed on
peed on
or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom I had complete control of:
My thoughts
my body
and my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do
tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t
stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew that I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth
the joy
the love
the heartache
the wonder
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a


Where has Maid Quiet gone to,
Nodding her russet hood?
The winds that awakened the stars
Are blowing through my blood.
O how could I be so calm
When she rose up to depart?
Now words that called up the lightning
Are hurtling through my heart.

By William Butler Yeats


She was a phantom of delight
When first she gleamed upon my sight
A lovely apparition, sent
To be a moments ornament
Her eyes as stars of twilight fair
Like twilight, too, her dusky hair

~William Wordworth~, 1888


The Sitting Time
By Joe Digmam

Don’t listen to the foolish unbelievers
who say, “Forget.”
Take up your armful of roses and
remember them, the flower
and the fragrance.
When you go home to do your sitting
in the corner by the clock
and sip your rosethorn tea
It will warm your face and fingers
and burn the bottom of your belly.
But as her gone-ness piles in white,
crystal drifts,
It will be the blossom of her moment
the warmth on your belly,
the tiny fingers unfolding,
the new face you’ve always known,
That has changed you.
Take her moment, and hold it
As every mother does.
She will always be
your daughter
And when the sitting is done you’ll find
bitter grief could never poison
the sweetness of her time.


Where true love is, there is no separation.


Gone Too Soon
lyrics by Michael Jackson

Like A Comet
Blazing ‘Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon


” To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a
wildflower . . .hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and
eternity in an hour . . . ” ~William Blakeg


I Will Remember You
(Music and Lyrics by Sarah McLachlan, Seamus Egan, and Dave
Originally featured on the motion picture soundtrack “The
Brothers McMullen” (Unforscene, 1995)

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories


Bob Hartman/John Elefante
Romans 8:28-30

Time is a gift on loan
Fate is already known

It’s your destiny to make it to the end
It’s your destiny to go against the trend
Heavenly destiny, destiny

Plans are already laid
Debts are already paid

It’s your destiny, your place
Within His will
It’s your destiny, you alone can fill
Heavenly destiny

When you gonna see you’re meant to be
You’re chosen out of history
No one else can take your place
The one and only in the human race
One of a kind
When you gonna see He has a will
For you and only you fulfill your destiny

The steps of a righteous man
Are led by a Master’s plan
It’s your destiny, don’t forsake the call
It’s your destiny, a stone within the wall
It’s your destiny, no accidental call
It’s your destiny, you were meant to be
It’s your destiny, only you can see
Heavenly destiny


“I strongly suspect that if we saw all the difference even the
tiniest of our prayers make, and all the people those little
prayers were destined to affect, and all the consequences of
those prayers down through the centuries, we would be so
paralyzed with awe at the power of prayer that we would be
unable to get up off our knees for the rest of our lives.”
–Peter Kreeft, Professor of Philosophy, Boston College


“There is no vessel as whole as a broken heart, There is no
faith as pure as a wounded faith.”


“Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as
the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.”–
Francois de La Rouchefoucald



The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we’re
doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A
curtain descends. The moment has passed. Lives slip from
frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate
friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still
listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The
spotlight is off. Applause is silent. But for us the play will never
end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask?
Please say “their names” to us. Love does not die.

Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they
are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live.
They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You
say, ” They were our children”; we say” They are”. Please say
“their names” to us and say “their names” again.

It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in
flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stirs within us
always. They were of our past but they are part of our now.
They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot
forget. We would not if we could. We know that you cannot
know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in
both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The
ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice.
We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to
spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have
lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see.
Please say ” their names” for they are alive.

We will meet them again, although in many ways we’ve never
parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and
sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.
Please say “their names” to us and say “their names” again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did. More

Written by an unkown author
Posted for all grieving parents



Someone asked me about you today.
It’s been so long since anyone has done that.
It felt so good to talk about you,
To share my memories of you,
To simply say your name out loud.
She asked me if I minded talking about what happened to
Or would it be too painful to speak of it.
I told her I think of it every day
and speaking about it helps me to release
The tormented thoughts whirling around in my head.
She said she never realized the pain would last this long…
She apologized for not asking sooner.
I told her “Thanks for asking.”
I don’t know if it was curiosity
Or concern that made her ask.
But I told her; “Please do it again sometime…

Originally by Barbara Taylor Hudson



Beloved I care in the midst of your grief.
In the midst of your stricken and crumbling belief.
In the midst of the blackness of total despair.
In the midst of your questioning, child….I am there.

“In the midst!” Not far off in some vague fifth dimension,
But there where you are, giving you my attention.
My constant attention….and not just today,
Since before you were born, I have loved you this way.
You’re important to Me, every hair on your head
I have numbered Myself, can these tears that you shed
Go uncounted……..unnoticed? Nay, child, here I stand
Close enough that each teardrop falls into my hand.

I know what you suffer, I know what you’ll gain,
If you’ll let me walk with you in your pain.
I’ll carry your grief, and your sorrow I’ll bear.
You’ve only to reach out your hand….I am there.

Fear nothing for your Destiny, your dear little girl.
She is safe in my house, and all heaven’s awhirl
With the ring of her laughter, her quick eager smile,
And the things she’s saving to show you “after awhile”
Yes, I could have prevented…. but, child, you can’t see,
With my perfect wisdom, trust Destiny to me.

Of course, you will miss her, but while you are weeping,
Remember, it’s only her body that’s sleeping
Her “self” is awake, wide awake as I said,
I am God of the living, not God of the dead.
She trusted Me, and My sure word comes to pass,
Who believes shall not die, that included your lass.

Let me walk with you now, through the long heavy days.
Let Me slowly begin changing heartache to praise.
Take hold of My hand child, take hold of My love.
I will lead you to joys that you yet know not of.
Your faith may be weak, and your trust incomplete,
But I’ll walk not too fast for your stumbling feet.
Your Father In Heaven


Had I a rare and precious gem
And lent it to a friend,
I’d want that gift returned to me
When time came to an end.
I’d want it to be treasured
And handled with much care,
For a jewel that bright and lovely
Certainly is rare.
I’d choose my friend most carefully,
Not everyone would do,
To hold my most beloved thing
So she could love it too.
Someone gave me just that chance
And loved me just that much.
I got some time to hold His gift,
To love, to feel, to touch.
I hope I did Him justice when
I had it on my own,
Because time came to give it back.
My jewel was just a loan.

Poem written by Anna Nelson in memory of her daughter Ava


My Heart Will Go On
(Love theme from Titanic)

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
And spaces between us.
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you’re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never go till we’re one

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we’ll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you’re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not
go away

You’re here, there’s nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We’ll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on


Baby Tears

We cried tears when we learned that a child would be,
that our God had allowed to quicken in me.
We cried tears with our loved ones
as they shared our joy,
and we thought about names for a girl or a boy.
I cried tears as I thought about the things we would do,
all the things that your daddy would pass on to you.
And I cried as I thought of each inch you had grown,
as I pondered the day that you would make yourself known.
Then to think of the world you must enter brought fears,
once again little one, your Mother cried tears.
Somethings wrong, I can tell, once again there are tears,
and I’ll not get the chance of your love through the years.
Oh the ache and the sorrow and all of the pain,
and again, yes again, my tears fell like the rain.
Then His peace comes to me as I think of you there,
gently rocking with Father in His favorite chair.
Your sweet little fingers clenched tight in His palm,
and His Son softly singing to help keep you calm.
Our God knew your days before they came to be,
and He knew, little one, you would not stay with me.
So I cry, but I know that when this life is done,
I will greet and embrace you, my sweet little one.
There’s a time to be born and a time to die,
and the joy and the sorrow both make us cry.

Written by Conni Johnson


Softly the leaves of memory fall
Gently I gather and treasure them all,
Unseen, unheard you are always near,
So missed, so loved, so very dear.
No longer in our lives to share,
But in our hearts you’re always there.


“Some have a lifetime, some just a day….
Love isn’t something you measure that way.”


You Are To Me
by: Traci Pape

You are to me…
the child whom moved inside my womb
who was born unto me
and lived if only for moments
but will live in my mind and heart for an eternity.
You are to me…
the child they will not mention
the child they pretend did not exist.
Please remember my child as if she lived a lifetime
because she lives inside my heart
until I draw my last breath.
I will always remember her.
You are to me…
butterflies in the Spring….
a rainbow after the rain…
stars on a warm Summer night…
as the sun shining to wake me through the window…
all the earthly beauty my eyes can see
and the warmth of true love.
You are to me…
the angel whom taught me to be a better person
showed me how to have
compassion for others in need
showed me how to be a
stronger person to face my fears
and most of all…
touched my heart with your unselfish love.
You are to me……
My Angel


“A tiny little angel came
to visit us one day.
Remained with us so short a time,
then she went away.
This angel represented hope,
hope for a new tomorrow.
This angel represented love,
her love was ours to borrow.
She stayed for just a little while,
but memories last forever.
And yet as tiny as she was,
she brought us all together.
She gave us hope, she gave us love,
a gift that’s hard to find.
Then Jesus took her home to heaven,
but he left her love behind.
As we loved her,
so we miss her.


A Poem For My Grandma

As they handed you to me to hold
my eyes filled up with tears
I had planned on spending lots of time
with you for many years.

But the angels came and took you
as soon as you arrived,
and I was left to sift through all my grief
which has left me old and tired.

To stand and watch my only daughter
lay her only daughter to rest
Was one of the hardest days in my life
and has put my faith to test.

But we know that you’re with God today
in the beautiful sky above,
Rest peacefully, my precious baby Destiny
I’ll see you soon
and know you’ll be forever loved…..

(Adapted from a poem by Patricia Orr)


To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
~ by Karen Sunde~


If I go away
What would still remain of me?
The ghost within your eyes?
The whisper in your sighs?
You see…Believe
And I’m always there.
~ by Jon Oliva ~


Mommy I am in Heaven so please don’t shed your tears
I can see you and I love you even after all these years
I know you are my mother and none other would I have chose
For even up here in Heaven true love continues to grow.

Daddy I see that sometimes when you are all alone
your eyes get kind of misty and your thoughts they kind of
You are thinking of how things would be if I was there with
all the things you would have taught me and watched me as I

But I still love you my dear parents as if I was there on earth
I remember how you longed for me and looked forward to my
birth. There was nothing you did wrong so please put your
minds at rest, God just wanted to keep me and you know He
picks the best.

And one day we will all be together in our castle in the sky
true peace and love and happiness, things money cannot buy
And you can hold your angel and sing me a lullaby
for a parent’s love for their children is a love that will never

Copyright © 1999 Island Princess


Angel Rays

Written by Stephen Endelman and Gemma Hayes
From the ‘Evelyn’ Soundtrack

The time we lost, you’ve held your cross
No tears did your eyes tell
The time you lost, no matter what the cost
Your strength it saw you through

But time will heal what your heart conceals
And this I know too well
The road you’ve known that takes you home
Is waiting strong and true
For this child of mine
She’ll forever shine
Angel Rays watch over you

But time will heal what your heart conceals
And this I know too well
The road you’ve known that takes you home
Is waiting strong and true
For this child of mine
She’ll forever shine
Angel Rays watch over you

For this child of mine
She’ll forever shine
Angel Rays watch over you

Angel Rays
Angel Rays
Angels Rays

Angels Rays…watch over you
Angel Rays


S Club 7 Never Had A Dream Come True lyrics

Everybody’s got somethin’
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time

There’s no use lookin’ back or wonderin’
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways
To let you go

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter
Where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you,ooooh yea

Somewhere in my memory
I’ve lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
‘Cuz yesterday is all that fills my mind
There’s no use lookin’ back or wonderin’
How it should be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways
to let you go

Repeat Chorus

You’ll always be the dream
That fills my head, Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby
You’ll always be the one I know
I’ll never forget
There’s no use lookin’ back or wonderin’
B’cuz love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try
I just can’t say goodbye

No no no no!!

Repeat Chorus


Whisper To Me

Sometimes I think I see you
in a shooting star
or on the wings of the wind
or a dragonfly’s arc

Are you really gone, are you
Are you really gone, are you

Sometimes I think I hear you
But then I know I must be turned around
I live on the border of sane
And a world where spirits make sound

Are you really gone, are you
Are you really gone, are you

Whisper to me, come to us in a dream
Promise there’s more than we see

Could I actually commence the healing
There is joy in a newborn’s smile
We encircle to grieve and console
But there are four where
There should always be five

Are you really gone, are you
Are you really gone, are you

Whisper to me, come to us in a dream
Promise there’s more than we see

On the grass midst names and stone
A wonder, a murder of crows
Circling round and round and round
And round and round
and round and round oh

Whisper to me, come to us in a dream
Promise there’s more than we see
Whisper to me
Whisper to me

Folded Wings, Music and Lyrics by Emily Richards
In memory of her sister, Annie Richards


My world is like a river
As dark as it is deep
Night after night the past slips in
And gathers all my sleep.
My days are just an endless string
Of emptiness to me.
Filled only by the fleeting moments
Of her memory
Sweet memories . . .
Sweet memories . . .
She slipped into the darkness
Of my dreams last night
Wandering from room to room
She’s turning on each light.
Her laughter spills like water
From the river to the sea.
Lord, I’m swept away from sadness
Clinging to her memory.
Sweet memories . . .
Sweet memories . . .



For mommy’s little rose:

Yet the rose has one powerful virtue to boast,
Above all the flowers of the field:
When its leaves are all dead, and fine colours are lost,
Still how sweet a perfume it will yield!
~Isaac Watts~


poem by Scottish poet Walter Wingate

A sea of broom was on the brae,
A heaven of speedwell lit the way;
But ever as I passed along
Of roses only was my song –
Roses, roses, roses!
They spread their petals, pink and white
Full stretch to feast upon the light;
They pushed each other on the spray
Like children mad with holiday –
Roses, roses, roses!

But as when summer noon is high
A fearful cloud bedims the sky,
A sudden memory of pain
Arises from the bright refrain –
Roses, roses, roses!

I watch a figure to and fro
‘Mong summer roses long ago,
Herself a rose as blythe as they –
Alas! how soon they pass away –
Roses, roses, roses!


To those who say to get on with my life, I have.
It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother.
One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!

Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks,
she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over

Open your eyes to US, and you just might see THEM.

– Author Unknown –


About two months after we lost Destiny, I had a very vivid
dream where I was boarding a Greyhound bus with all three of
my children to go to Washington, D.C. to visit the National
Zoo. Destiny had a coloring book and crayons with her and she
was about three years old in the dream. I asked her to share
one of her coloring book pages with another little girl on the
bus and I asked her what her favorite animal was. The coloring
book was full of animals and she told me that her favorite was
the giraffe. Strangely, a couple months later we actually drove
to D.C. to the zoo with our older sons and there was a
beautiful baby giraffe there named Johnna. On Destiny’s first
birthday, I wanted to purchase a book for kindergarten
children and donate it to the school library at the elementary
school she would have attended if she lived. I found a picture
book with just a few words about baby giraffes at the
bookstore and when I read the photography credits on the
back of this book, the pictures were of Johnna and her mother
at that same zoo. In Feb. 2003, we again visited the zoo and
saw Johnna. Her mother had passed away from a stomach
infection one of the zookeepers told me. She had a friend
about the same age as her in her pen. I started taking pictures
of them both and suddenly Johnna came right over to me and
bent down right into my face as if to say “hi”. I have a close-up
picture of her as she pulled away from me. The zookeeper told
me that soon Johnna would be moved to another zoo to meet
her proposed mate and prepare to be bred. She would be
continuing the circle of life. How I wish my baby girl were here
to one day participate in the circle of life and give me
grandbabies! Since then, I have collected giraffes in memory of
Destiny. I am posting the lyrics to the following song not only
because they came from Lion King and I know Destiny would
have loved any Disney film, but because of the beautiful
giraffes pictured in the animated movie. The lyrics to this song
are poignant as well.

Circle Of Life

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There’s more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done

Some say eat or be eaten
Some say live and let live
But all are agreed as they join the stampede
You should never take more than you give

In the Circle of Life
It’s the wheel of fortune
It’s the leap of faith
It’s the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle, the Circle of Life

Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of us soar to the stars
And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars

There’s far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps the great and small on the endless round

On the path unwinding
In the Circle, the Circle of Life

The Lion King: Original Motion Picture
Music by Elton John, lyrics by Tim Rice


So is this how I am and this what I am
Poor shadow of a laughing self? Will it always be so?

Yes… and no.
Yes, you will never forget.
And sometimes the pain will well up
Engulfing you as it does now.
But not quite as bitter
Not quite as deep
Not all the time
So… no
Sometimes you will laugh
As you remember.
The pain won’t intensify as it does now
Till it is almost unbearable…
It will still be there, but duller.

You will laugh again, and with joy
Joy for the life of your child loved.
Joy for the life we still have
Affirming the goodness that was in that child
Finding positive things for all the negatives
Learning, giving, loving, living –
And being thankful that you had that life
The life that was so much a part of you.
Being thankful, that, from all the pain
There were huge truths learnt
Hard though it was to learn them.
And in the hurting, hopeless desperate moments
Glad of the glimpses of something more –
Though not glad of the reasons for finding them.
Glad of the friends who truly knew
Giving strength with their silences
Love beyond words.

Yes, you will remember all these things
And be that silent strength
For others with their ragged wounds.

It will not always be like this
For you are on a journey
You choose the way:
Bitter or better
Through or round
Positives or negatives
Love or despair
Life or limbo
You choose.
But however you choose
You will never forget.

Carolyn Salter
Compassionate Friends/NSW



In every dream thy lovely features rise;
I see them in the sunshine of the day;
Thy form is flitting still before my eyes
Where’er at eve I tread my lonely way;
In every moaning wind I hear thee say
Sweet words of consolation, while thy sighs
Seem borne along on every blast that flies;
I live, I talk with thee where’er I stray:

And yet thou never more shalt come to me
On earth, for thou art in a world of bliss,
And fairer still – if fairer thou canst be –
Than when thou bloomed’st for a while in this.
Few be my days of loneliness and pain
Until I meet in love with thee again.

~William Barnes~


Shining Light
by Carrie-Fisher Pascual

Your life within
So enriched my life without

You introduced me to new love
I felt as I touched your tiny hand
I saw it in the eyes all around you
But I didn’t understand

Your quiet stillness
Said you were gone
But the perfection of you
Said God was there all along

There was no time that day
To share the dreams
The moments lost, the life
But you were there

My tears spoke longing
Such sorrow
Knowing you’d be absent
From every tomorrow

But even in your still silence
Your miracle of life,
Like a radiant light, shone
Reaching far to others left….Alone.

Days pass, time travels fast
But what remains
Is the missing you

Yet I can enjoy
For you were with me then
And now…. In all I do

Your life within
So enriched my life without



Defend your right
To dream your way all through the night
If faith comes hard
Consider all you’ve overcome this far
And let yourself go

I don’t think that there’s much time
To separate what yours from mine

As you’re floating gently
through the night
Far from all the world of light
and darkness

Defend your right
To dream your way all through the night
If faith comes hard
Consider all we’ve overcome this far
And let yourself go

It’s so hard to say goodbye
When I know love will span all time and boundaries

Floating on the sea of love
Reaching for the stars above

Defend your right
To dream your way all through the night
If peace won’t come
Know the battle’s almost won
When faith comes hard
Consider all you’ve overcome this far
And let yourself go

I’ll lift you up
Carry you out
Don’t give up
Nothing can hold you down
But the hardest part is letting go right now

I will defend your right
To dream your way all through the night
If peace won’t come
Know the battle’s almost won
If faith comes hard
Consider all we’ve overcome this far
And let yourself go…


My Immortal
by Evanessence



Romans 11:33-36

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge
of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and His ways
past finding out!
“For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has become
His counselor?” “Or who has first given to Him and it shall be
repaid to him?”
For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to
whom be glory forever. Amen.


~What is Normal?~

Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery
Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s day, and Easter.

Normal is talking to a friend and the conversation going
toward how
you felt after your child died.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel
with chat
buddies who have also lost a child.

Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more
comfortable with
a funeral than a wedding or a birthday party. Yet, feeling a
stab of
pain in your heart when you smell the flowers, see that casket,
and all
the crying people.

Normal is at first feeling like you can’t sit another minute
without getting up
and screaming cause you just don’t like to sit through church

Normal is going to bed feeling like your kids who are alive got
out of happy cheerful parents and instead they are stuck with
cautious people.

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you
someone important is missing from all the important events in
families’ life.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if’s
and why
didn’t I’s go through your head constantly.

Normal is staring at every little girl or boy who looks about my
age. And then thinking of the age my angel would be now and
not being
able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to
it because it will never happen.

Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up
sadness lurking close behind because of the hole in my heart.

Normal is seeing my sons at the cemetery visiting their sister’s
grave and
thinking, how could this be normal? They shouldn’t have to be
through this.

Normal is singing a song and feeling really great about doing
followed by an immediate down after thinking how my child
would have
said, “That was beautiful Momma (whether it really was or not).

Normal is telling the story of my childs death as if it were an
common place activity and then gasping in horror at how awful
it sounds.
And yet realizing it has become part of our normal.

Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to
your child’s memory and their birthday and survive those days.
trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy
Birthday? Not really.

Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of a
Thinking how they would love it, but how they’re not here to
enjoy it.

Normal is disliking jokes about death, funerals, bodies being
to as cadavers when you know they were once someone’s
loved one.

Normal is being impatient with everything but someone
stricken with
grief over the loss of their child.

Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother and
meeting for
coffee and talking and crying together over our children and
our new
lives. And worrying together over our living children.

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned
or did laundry or if there is any food in the house.

Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say
you have 2 or
3 children because you will never see this person again and it
is not
worth explaining that one of them is in heaven. And yet when
you say
only 2 to avoid that problem you feel horrible as if you have
that child.

Normal is feeling terrible hurt when you see your child’s power
presentation at parent/teacher’s conference and that child has
listed no
sister. Then you realize the way the information is set up there
is no logical place to list the sister who has died and went to
And how awkward that must of been for him to think about
the problem.

Normal is avoiding McDonald’s and Burger King playgrounds
because of
small happy children that break your heart when you see them.

Normal is wondering angrily a month later why your husband
isn’t still
crying, while he wonders angrily why you haven’t stopped.

Normal is planning alternate routes through stores so you
don’t have to be
confronted with the “dreaded aisles,” while nevertheless
dodging strollers no
matter which way you go.

Normal is not knowing whether or not you can accept an
invitation to your
cousin’s wedding next month because you don’t know if you
will be having one of
your breakdowns that day.

Normal is being afraid to surf the internet, watch TV, read a
book or listen
to the radio because of the world conspiring to salt your
wounds by
saying/showing the wrong things.

Normal is wanting another baby in your arms so badly you can
taste it, but
feeling so disloyal and being so, so afraid.

Normal is having an angel pin specifically designed for your
child…not as a
gift, but as a memorial.

Normal is sometimes forgetting that our own parents’ hearts
are broken
twice…once for their lost grandchild, and again for their child
who is lost in
a sense just as final.

Normal is sitting outside at night, staring into the sky,
wondering why you
aren’t one of the people blessed enough to see a sign or
experience a miracle
that you know is being sent just to comfort you.

Normal is sometimes not being able to bear looking at photo
albums, and other
times being so grateful they’re covered in plastic so your
endless flow of
tears won’t ruin the pictures…
~Author Unknown~
A few words adapted to my own situation


If someone you know has lost a little one, here are some
helpful rules to follow in order to be a true friend and share
their grief:

My Baby Has Died
Written by Elsie Sieben – TCF/Hingham, MA
Edited by me, to fit my situation

1. Don’t ignore me because you are uncomfortable with the
subject of death – it makes me wonder if what happened to
me means nothing to you.

2. Acknowledge my pain, even if you think I shouldn’t be
feeling this way because I’ve lost “only a baby”. And please,
don’t expect me to be “over this” in a month (or maybe even a
year or two); losing a baby is one of the most difficult of all
life’s experiences and the depth of my grief will even shock me
as it returns in waves over and over again long after everyone
else has forgotten. (Holidays and the anniversaries of her birth
and death will be particularly difficult.)

3. If you haven’t yet called and a long time has gone by, tell
me that you are sorry, that you just haven’t known what to say,
but don’t say you’ve been too busy! This has been an
extremely large event in my life and it hurts to hear it has been
so low on your priority list that you couldn’t spare a five or ten
minute call.

4. If you invite me for lunch in the midst of my grief, expect
me to talk about my loss. It’s all I am thinking about anyway
and I need to talk it out; small talk neither interests nor helps
me now.

5. Don’t change the subject if I should start crying. Tears (and
talking about it) are the healthiest way for me to release this
intense emotion.

6. Telling me that So-and-So’s situation must have been
harder to bear won’t make mine easier. It only makes me feel
you don’t understand or can’t acknowledge the extent of my

7. Don’t expect that because “she is in the presence of the
Lord” that is all that should matter (i.e. that I should not be
hurting.) My arms ache to hold her here and I miss her so.

8. Now is not the time to tell me all about your birth
experiences – it reminds me painfully that you came home
with a live baby and I didn’t.

9. Telling me I must be a very special person that God would
send me such a heavy burden and that “God’s will is best”
implies that God purposely did this. Maybe his will is best, too,
but I don’t believe that everything that happens (including my
baby’s death or anyone being killed by a drunk driver, for
instance) is God’s will.

10. Don’t remind me that I’m so lucky that I have other kids – I
am, and I know it, but my pain is excruciating for this baby
and others won’t take that away.

11. No matter how bad I look, please don’t say “You look
terrible”. I feel like a total failure right now and I don’t need to
hear that I look awful, too.

12. Don’t say “I’m glad you didn’t have her for long”. I am in
agony because I didn’t get to know her. My arms ache to hold
her, and the feelings of deprivation and missing my baby are
so intense I can’t imagine you’d believe it is easier for me this

13. Don’t devalue my baby (“oh well, better luck next time”,
etc) – to me she was a very special, unique person and there is
no way she can ever be replaced. (Besides, you don’t know if
there ever will be a next time – I don’t either and that is a pain
all its own.)

14. Don’t say “I know how you feel, I lost my mother…” It is
not the same. We all expect our parents to die one day after
they have lived their lives, but I am intensely grieving for all
the might-have-beens of my baby’s life.

15. When you ask my family how I am doing don’t forget to
ask how they are doing too. They lost a granddaughter and a
niece they were eagerly awaiting and if you ignore their hurt, it
says to them that their pain shouldn’t exist or doesn’t matter.
And it does matter.

16. Don’t say, “You’d try again??” like I must be crazy. (If you
had my history you might not want to face menopause without
doing everything you could to change it either.)

17. If I snap at you for saying any of the above (or anything
else), please forgive me and try to understand it came from my
intense pain. (Your dog might bite you when you try to pick
him up at the side of the road after he’s been hit by a car –
that wouldn’t mean he hates you or is ungrateful, just that he’s
been hurt and your touch, well-intentioned though it be, has
added more pain.)

18. Hug me, tell me that you care and that you’re sorry this
has happened.

19. Be available to me if you can and let me talk and cry
without judging. Saying “Don’t be angry” is like saying “Don’t
be thirsty” – my feelings are part of a normal grief response
and I will work through them quicker and easier if you aren’t

20. Just love me and I will always remember you as a true



Information compiled by TX Moms of Tiny Angels

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow,
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
A child who loses his parents is called an orphan,

Yet there is no word for a parent who loses a child,

That’s how awful the loss is.”

They rate death of a child as the absolute worst thing that can
ever happen to you in your life – did you know that? After that
is death of a spouse, then parents/siblings and so on – but a
child is the number one most catastrophic thing that can
happen to you. You typically live in shock and denial for 90
days – that’s three months before you even begin to get out of
shock & denial. Then anger can last up to six months,
bargaining mixes in there – depression can last for a couple of
years and it takes you 2 1/2 to 3 years to truly accept the fact
that this has happened to you. You will never “get over” the
death of your child – that’s not possible. But in time you come
to accept and acknowledge the fact that it happened to you. It
will be four years for us in May, so I think this was pretty much
on target as far as my grief went. My husband was in and out
of grief much faster than this – at least as far as I could tell.
He grieved very hard when we lost her and cried with me for a
couple of weeks, but then he went back to work and it seemed
like that helped him cope better. I work at home, so I was
stuck here – surrounded by her things. I have heard it said
that you must admit it 200 times before it really hits you as a
fact and you accept that it happened to you. I think that’s
true. I know I cried every time I admitted it in the beginning &
now I can say it pretty matter of fact. It still hurts, but not as
bad – the rawness has gone away after almost four years –
hopefully that will give you some hope.

Grief, with its many ups and downs, lasts for longer than
society in general recognizes. Be patient with yourself.

Each person grieves differently and at a different pace.

Crying is a normal and healthy expression and releases built-
up tension. Cry freely.

Physical reactions may include loss of appetite, overeating and
sleeplessness. You may have no energy and not be able to

Friends and family may feel uncomfortable around you. They
want to help you but they don’t know how. Talk about your
loss so they know that it is appropriate.

When possible, put off major decisions for at least a year
(changing locations, jobs, etc).

Avoid making hasty decisions about your baby’s belongings.
Do not allow others to take over or rush you to make
decisions. You can do it a little at a time or whenever you feel

Guilt (real or imagined) is normal. It surfaces in thoughts and
feelings of “if only.” Learn to express and share these feelings
and learn how to forgive yourself.

Anger is a common reaction to loss. Anger like guilt needs
expression and sharing in a healthy and acceptable manner.

Children are often forgotten grievers within the family. They
experience many of the same emotions you do. So share your
thoughts and tears with them. They need to feel loved and be

Holidays and anniversaries of birth and death can be stressful
times. Consider the feelings of the immediate family when
planning on how to spend the day. Allow time for your own
emotional needs.

It helps to become involved with a group of others having
similar experiences. Sharing eases loneliness and promotes
the expression of your grief in an atmosphere of acceptance
and understanding.

Don’t be surprised if in the following weeks, friends that were
close before stop coming around as often. Sometimes they
don’t know what to say or how to handle the situation.

Grief is like a roller coaster – the same love and feelings you
have invested in your child are the same ones that will bring
you pain. Whether you were 6 weeks pregnant or your baby
was 3 months old, you have something to grieve. Your grief
may last longer than you expect. Fathers are likely to feel left
out altogether. People will ask, “How is you wife?” or “Is she
holding up?” Understanding grief and knowing what to expect
will help you recover. Remember, there is no magic button to
push to stop the emotional roller coaster, but you will reach
solid ground again.

The Stages of Grief – From the writings of Elisabeth Kubler-

SHOCK AND DENIAL – The feeling of shock and confusion,
refusal to believe you’ve lost your baby. You may still feel

ANGER – You may have intense anger at yourself, your mate
and the doctor, or of the whole world. “Why has my baby died?
Why does that family have four children and I can’t keep my
baby”. Issues of faith are also very common.

BARGAINING – This is the stage where you might try to
convince God to play “Let’s make a deal”, offering your life in
exchange for your child, or promising to be a better person to
stop the labor pains.

DEPRESSION – When the reality sets in so does depression. The
symptoms you might experience are: aching arms, phantom
kicks or cries, nightmares, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, lack
of sex drive, and fantasies about your baby.

ACCEPTANCE – Yes, you will eventually “accept” this loss, but
you won’t forget or forsake. This is the hardest part of
recovery. It will take time and patience. You will feel the other
stages off and on during this time. Grieving is not a straight or
easy line. Allow yourself and your partner TIME to grieve for
your baby. You determine the length of time this takes.

These stages can sometimes blend together, so don’t expect
to neatly experience each stage in order. You won’t go
through each one and be “over” it. It’s perfectly natural to feel
one stage at a time or all five at once.

Symptoms of Grief

When a baby dies, normal symptoms of grief are varied and
parental reactions and intensity of feelings may differ. Some
typical reactions may include the following:

• Crying, loneliness and/or a feeling of isolation.
• A need to talk about the death and details of what happened.
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or helplessness.
• Anger, guilt and/or blame.
• Inability to concentrate, comprehend, and/or remember.
• Loss of goals or aims in life.
• Aching arms, phantom crying, and/or frequent sighing.

Anger and guilt are common reactions and usually accompany
grief. Try to share and express these feelings as a way of
releasing them, eventually forgiving yourself and others.


It has been 3 years since we lost Destiny and like the woman
above, the worst part of my grief is over. However, birthdays
and anniversaries are very difficult and sometimes I have hard
days for no conceivable reason. I allow myself to just feel on
these days, I cry, I pray, I hold her things, I visit her grave, I
talk to other moms via internet who have also lost children.
Anything that helps is what I do then. Each day is a journey in
this walk of grief and just like on any journey there are
sometimes setbacks. Your emotions can be like riding a



The truth ISN’T that you will feel “all better” in a couple of
days, or weeks, or even months.

The truth IS that the days will be filled with an unending ache
and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while.
Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression
through the stages of grief and mourning.

The truth isn’t that a new pregnancy will help you forget.

The truth is that, while thoughts of a new pregnancy soon may
provide hope, a lost infant deserves to be mourned just as you
would have with anyone you loved. Grieving takes a lot of
energy and can be both emotionally and physically draining.
This could have an impact upon your health during another
pregnancy. While the decision to try again is a very
individualized one, being pregnant while still actively grieving
is very difficult.

The truth isn’t that pills or alcohol will dull the pain.

The truth is that they will merely postpone the reality you must
eventually face in order to begin healing. However, if Your
doctor feels that medication is necessary to help maintain your
health, use it intelligently and according to his/her
The truth isn’t that once this is over your life will be the same.

The truth is that your upside-down world will slowly settle
down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate
person, better prepared to handle the hard times that
everyone must deal with sooner or later. When you consider
that you have just experienced one of the worst things that
can happen to a family, as you heal you will become aware of
how strong you are.

The truth isn’t that grieving is morbid, or a sign of weakness
or mental instability.

The truth is that grieving is work that must be done. Now is
the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, flow with
it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier if you expect
that it is variable, that some days are better than others. Be
patient with yourself. There are no short cuts to healing. The
active grieving will be over when all the work is done.

The truth isn’t that grief is all-consuming.

The truth is that in the midst of the most agonizing time of
your life, there will be laughter. Don’t feel guilty. Laugh if you
want to. Just as you must allow yourself the time to grieve, you
must also allow yourself the time to laugh. Viewing laughter as
part of the healing process, just as overwhelming sadness is
now, will make the pain more bearable.

The truth isn’t that one person can bear this alone.

The truth is that while only you can make the choices
necessary to return to the mainstream of life a healed person,
others in your life are also grieving and are feeling very
helpless. As unfair as it may seem, the burden of remaining in
contact with family and friends often falls on you. They are
afraid to “butt in,” or they may be fearful of saying or doing
the wrong thing. This makes them feel even more helpless.
They need to be told honestly what they can do to help. They
don’t need to be told, “I’m doing fine” when you’re really NOT
doing fine. By allowing others to share in your pain and assist
you with your needs, you will be comforted and they will feel
less helpless.

The truth isn’t that God must be punishing you for something.

The truth is that sometimes these things just happen. They
have happened to many people before you, and they will
happen to many people after you. This was not an act of any
God; it was an act of Nature. It isn’t fair to blame God, or
yourself, or anyone else. Try to understand that it is human
nature to look for a place to put the blame, especially when
there are so few answers to the question, “Why?” Sometimes
there are answers. Most times there are not. Believing that you
are being punished will only get in the way of your healing.

The truth isn’t that you will be unable to make any choices or
decisions during this time.

The truth is that while major decisions, such as moving or
changing jobs, are better off being postponed for now, life
goes on. It will be difficult, but decisions dealing with the
death of your baby (seeing and naming the baby, arranging
and/or attending a religious ritual, taking care of the nursery
items you have acquired) are all choices you can make for
yourself. Well-meaning people will try to shelter you from the
pain of this. However, many of us who have suffered similar
losses agree that these first decisions are very important. They
help to make the loss real. Our brains filter out much of the
pain early on as a way to protect us. Very soon after that, we
find ourselves reliving the events over and over, trying to
remember everything. This is another way that we
acknowledge the loss. Until the loss is real, grieving cannot
begin. Being involved at this early time will be a painful
experience, but it will help you deal with your grief better as
you progress by providing comforting memories of having
performed loving, caring acts for your baby.

The truth isn’t that you will be delighted to hear that a friend
or other loved one has just given birth to a healthy baby.

The truth is that you may find it very difficult to be around
mothers with young babies. You may be hurt, or angry, or
jealous. You may wonder why you couldn’t have had that joy.
You may be resentful, or refuse to see friends with new babies.
You may even secretly wish that the same thing would happen
to someone else. You want someone to understand how it
feels. You may also feel very ashamed that you could wish
such things on people you love or care about, or think that you
must be a dreadful person. You aren’t. You’re human, and
even the most loving people can react this way when they are
actively grieving. If the situations were reversed, your friends
would be feeling and thinking the same things you are. Forgive
yourself. It’s OK. These feelings will eventually go away.

The truth isn’t that all marriages survive this difficult time.

The truth is that sometimes you might blame one another,
resent one another, or dislike being with one another. If you
find this happening, get help. There are self-help groups
available or grief counselors who can help. Don’t ignore it or
tuck it away assuming it will get better. It won’t. Actively
grieving people cannot help one another. It is unrealistic, like
having two people who were blinded at the same time teach
each other Braille. Talking it out with others may help. It might
even save your marriage.

The truth isn’t that eventually you will accept the loss of your
baby and forget all about this awful time.

The truth is that acceptance is a word reserved for the
understanding you come to when you’ve successfully grieved
the loss of a parent, or a grandparent, or a beloved older
relative. When you lose a child, your whole future has been
affected, not your past. No one can really accept that. But
there is resolution in the form of healing and learning how to
cope. You will survive. Many of us who have gone through this
type of grief are afraid we might forget about our babies once
we begin to heal. This won’t happen. You will always
remember your precious baby because successful grieving
carves a place in your heart where he or she will live forever.

by Stacey Dinner-Levin


To give light, ONE must endure burning!
~Quote by Victor Franich~


Some reckon their age by years,
Some measure their life by art;
But some tell their days by the flow of their tears
And their lives by the moans of their hearts.
– – – -Abram Joseph Ryan